It's very hard for me to sit still. I like to be moving almost every second of everyday because I don't like to waste time when there is something that needs to get done. And there is ALWAYS something that needs to get done. And if I am forced to sit, which often times I am, my mind thinks and plans the next 14 things. So it should be of no surprise that I have begun thinking about my Christmas tree. As most of you know, I am not a God fearing gorgeous girl of 26, so really Christmas should be a weird holiday to celebrate. I also work retail, and have my whole life, so that also makes it peculiar that I enjoy Christmas. But I am not one of those angry, bitter, fat folks who hate things to be cute. I like the holiday season because I love to decorate anything, especially with bright colors and lights. I love the home, so any opportunity to make a home a place of comfort and joy--well, I am all over that shit. I also like to wrap up little trinkets I find about the house, and pass them off as gifts. I love things that smell like warm spices and food, which Christmas sure as shit does. And at the expense of sounding like a rube, I like the idea of giving and expressing cheer.
I do not care for people who obsessively shop, and buy thoughtless gifts in abundance. This is despite the fact my pay check depends on this. The idea of rushing Thanksgiving, so you can get up and shop when it's still dark, for electronics, is disgusting and gross. Can't I just enjoy a pitcher of Bloody Mary's for a full 24 hours while giving thanks?! No. Wrapping up ties, socks, candles or sweaters is also disgusting and gross to me, and the equivalent of wrapping up a loaf a of bread, a box a cereal or a toothbrush. Those are the thoughtless things I will buy myself on my trip to the local grocer, Aunt Rose Ann.
So on to my glorious tree. It has been my dream since I was young to go to a charming Christmas tree farm, dressed in a Burberry scarf, sipping a latte, and cut down my own tree while snow flakes get caught in my lengthy eye lashes. But, the truth of the matter is, I work insane holiday hours and have yet to get someone who also wanted to chop down a tree with me. Usually I think there is nothing I can't do myself, but as I have mentioned, I'm a darling petite, and not built like a lumberjack, or a work donkey. So even the logisticsi of buying a real tree has been difficult the last few years. Consequently, I have been forced to haul up the artificial tree that came with the Country Manse. It's tall and slender and has a unique country vibe to it. A little too country, but nothing my creativity can't drastically alter with blue lights and a Barbie doll topper. Ick, that description made my tree sound pukey--it is not, I assure you. However, I need a new idea this year, as I cannot bare the idea of the same tree for a third year. I have been toying with the idea of pink lights, but would rather chew off my arm that have something that looked like a college girl decorated. I mean I don't collect Hello Kitty or use $2 coconut shampoo, so that's something to consider. I don't like anything too red and green, and Santa is forbidden on my tree. Mostly because I don't like fat people. I'm kidding, Santa is just tacky. And I would never decorate my house with anything tacky. *wink, wink* I like the idea of a white tree, but nothing too modern, because I do live in a Country Manse. And I don't own a white tree, and why would I want to waste money on a big glamorous Christmas tree when I could buy more colored tights, and 26 varieties of beer? Blue really is my favorite color, and it makes for a unique tree...The moral of the story is this, your boring tree over there is offensive. God is coming, and she is pissed.
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