I certainly am not affraid.

A few days ago I was talking to one of my dim witted co-workers about how I have trouble sleeping at night. It's pretty much been the case my whole life, and thanks to The Hot Indian, and his drug pushing ways, it's not too big of a concern anymore. However, the said dim witted co-worker was pretty concerned about it, due to my young age, and slender stature. Actually she didn't mention my figure, but I thought I should. She was convinced she could diagnose my problem, despite the fact she wears red skinny pants and Danskos-- and decided that because I live alone, I was probably just too scared to sleep. I thought I could squash her asinine explanation with a simple, "um, no, I don't think that's the case...*whispers* moron." But she was persistent and continued to repeat herself over and over, "yes, Jennifer, you are just scared and probably need a boyfriend." Puke.  Barf.  Puke and barf. After that statement, I had no choice but to convince her of all the reasons why I am probably the least "too scared to sleep without a boyfriend kinda girl." So this is what I explained:
I live at The Country Manse. An old house, perfect and charming as the day is long, but old, and most likely haunted. How do I know? In my basement I one day removed a shelf. And behind the shelf was an old room, that obviously was no longer a room after the basement became finished, and the only way into the room was from a hole behind a built in shelf. What was in the room? Oh just two old carousal horses that obviously belonged to the murdered children.
What do I live next to? An empty house. I haven't been inside the house, but my imagination tells me it is filled with cats and raccoons and hobos and feral children with tails. Next to this, is the woods filled with coyotes and cougars and honey badgers and Honey Boo Boo.  Do I lock my doors? Only when I am home because I don't like to carry a ring of keys like a janitor or prison guard. Which means I most likely lock the murderer in with me at night. I also work 30 miles away, and nearly my whole drive is back country roads. I do this at night several times a week with the protection of  solely the luxury Honda.  I also love scary movies and crime shows, and have no problem watching them at night before bed, or anytime for that matter. And if it is at night, I watch by the illumination of the moon shining through The County Mans windows.  So obviously I am not the type to scare easily. So let's discuss how a live in boyfriend would fix any of this...
Actually let's not. The moral of the story is this: there's nothing I can't do, and I look great in all shades of blue.